An RTJ Wellness Reflection on Achievement, Struggle, and Paying Attention

Have you ever experienced a moment that completely changed how you understood stress or success?

I have.
And it happened more than 20 years ago, at the end of a high-school Biology 30 honours class.

The bell rang. Students packed up and left.

Except one.

That wasn’t unusual. Students often stayed behind to ask a question or get extra help. I gave them a thumb-up, smiled, and casually asked if everything was okay.

And that’s when it happened.

They broke down.
Not quietly. Not subtly.
They collapsed into sobs.

I was shocked.

Why would this amazing student who was: academically gifted, multi-sport athlete, a standout in the arts, be sobbing.

After my initial shock I approached them very concerned and worried, the only words I could make out between the tears were devastating:

“I can’t handle this anymore.””  I hate my life”

Eventually they were able to calm down and opened up to me.

They shared with me the immense pressure they felt every day to be perfect. The fear of making a mistake was constant and exhausting. Research consistently shows that perfectionism is strongly linked to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout, especially in high-achieving individuals who begin to tie their self-worth to performance. As we talked, it became clear that support was needed beyond that moment. We agreed their parents needed to know, and together the right steps were taken. Professional counselling and ongoing care were put in place, creating the support system they needed to begin moving forward.

And I’m grateful to say this student went on to do incredibly well in life.

They are one of my heroes.

Not because of what they achieved afterward, but because they had the courage to reach out at the moment, they needed help most.

The Question That Changed Everything

That day changed me.

Because if this student, so capable, so accomplished, so outwardly “successful” was struggling in silence, it forced an uncomfortable question:

What did that say about everyone else in the building?

It was the moment I began to truly understand something we now know from decades of research:

Stress doesn’t always look like struggle.

In fact, stress often hides behind high achievement, perfectionism, responsibility, and the pressure to keep performing. Research in psychology and occupational health consistently shows that high-achieving individuals are not immune to stress; in many cases, they are more vulnerable because they are skilled at masking it and less likely to ask for help (American Psychological Association, 2023).

Outward success does not equal inner capacity.

That realization reshaped how I saw my role, not just as a teacher, but as a human being working with other humans.

Stress Is Not a Personal Failure

One of the most damaging myths around stress is the belief that struggling means something is “wrong” with you.

Physiologically, stress is not weakness. It is a normal biological response designed to help us adapt. But when stress becomes chronic, when the demands consistently exceed our perceived ability to cope, it begins to affect sleep, decision-making, emotional regulation, and health (McEwen & Akil, Allostatic Load, 2007).

What struck me that day was not just that the student was stressed.

It was that no one saw it coming.

Which meant the systems around them; school, athletics, fine arts, expectations, culture, were rewarding performance without always checking well being.

That moment shaped how I:

• Parented
• Taught
• Coached
• Tried to lead

And eventually, how I built RTJ Wellness.

From That Classroom to This Work

From that day forward, I committed myself to understanding stress more deeply:

• How it hides
• How it accumulates
• How people can be supported in ways that help, not just “push through”

Over time, this work expanded beyond classrooms into coaching, workshops, and wellness education. But the core question stayed the same:

How do we help people respond to stress earlier, more honestly, and more effectively, before they reach a breaking point?

That question sits at the heart of everything we do at RTJ Wellness.

We don’t teach people how to eliminate stress. That’s not realistic.

We teach people how to understand it, work with it, and respond in ways aligned with what matters most to them.

Why Purpose Matters Under Pressure

One of the most consistent findings in wellness and resilience research is the protective role of purpose. Studies have shown that people with a strong sense of meaning or “why” experience better stress regulation, improved mental health outcomes, and greater resilience under pressure (Alimujiang et al., JAMA Psychiatry, 2019).

Purpose doesn’t remove difficulty.
It changes how difficulty is carried.

That belief is what inspired The Power of Why, an RTJ Wellness course built to help people:

• Understand their stress patterns
• Recognize what matters most to them
• Make daily choices that align with their values rather than just their obligations

Not as theory, but as practical, usable tools for real life.

Paying Attention Is an Act of Care

Sometimes the moments that change us most aren’t dramatic or public.

They happen quietly.
After the bell.
When one person stays behind.
When we choose to slow down and truly pay attention.

That day reminded me of something I still hold close:

You never fully know what someone is carrying.
And paying attention, to ourselves and to others, is not weakness.
It’s leadership.

If this reflection resonates, you’re not alone.

And you don’t have to wait until things fall apart to respond differently.

RTJ Wellness
Helping people understand stress, reconnect with purpose, and build healthier ways forward—one honest conversation at a time.